My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
