Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
