We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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