Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
