My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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