Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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