i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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