So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
