I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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