It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
