The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do vagina's smell?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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