You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have aggressive nipples.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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