I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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