Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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