Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
