there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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