Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
