The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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