I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
