Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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