He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
