all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
