so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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