Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
