I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
