Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i think my cat just said my name.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
