I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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