I wish I only lived at night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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