I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
