As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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