I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
