My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
