Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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