did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
operation harelip BJ is a go
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
