The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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