So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
