I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
