We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
