the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
