Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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