he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
