I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
