she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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