I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
