apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
