My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My penis needs a shock collar
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
