I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
