great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
