I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
