Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
