Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
