I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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