So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
