I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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