no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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