I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
