I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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