I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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