We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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