he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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