i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
