Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
