he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
