if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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