I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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