Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
