You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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