I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
