You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
