About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
