he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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